Breastfeeding: Pain, Positions, Rhythm… What Mothers Really Need to Know

Breastfeeding is often described as something natural. And it is true: the body is made to nourish a baby. But “natural” does not mean “obvious,” or “easy from the start.”

Many mothers discover breastfeeding at a time of deep exhaustion, just after giving birth, with very few reference points, sometimes pain, conflicting advice, and one question that quickly comes up: am I doing this right?

And yet, many difficulties can be avoided or corrected with one simple piece of information: breastfeeding should not be painful over time. If pain settles in, it is not something you should simply “push through.” It is a signal that something needs to be looked at.

Pain while breastfeeding: no, it is not “normal”

In the first few days, some women may feel discomfort, sensitivity, or a new sensation. The breast and nipple are adapting, and the baby is learning too.

But strong pain, cracked nipples, a damaged nipple, or pain that makes you want to stop should not be dismissed.

Very often, pain comes from a latch that is not optimal. If the baby takes only the nipple, the pressure is too strong on a very sensitive area. The nipple can become damaged very quickly.

For feeding to be more comfortable, the baby needs to open their mouth wide and take not only the nipple, but also part of the areola. Think of it as a real “big mouthful,” not a small suck on the tip of the breast.

When the baby is well positioned, feeding is usually more effective, milk flows better, and the mother experiences less pain.

The right position is the one that works for both mother and baby

We often hear about “classic” breastfeeding positions: cradle hold, cross-cradle hold, rugby hold, side-lying position… But there is no single perfect position that works for everyone.

The right position is the one where:

the mother feels comfortable;
the baby is well aligned;
the baby can open their mouth wide;
feeding is effective;
the mother is not in pain.

One essential point: the baby should be tummy to tummy with the mother. Their head should be aligned with their body, without needing to turn to reach the breast. Imagine trying to drink while turning your head to the side: it is neither comfortable nor natural.

The baby should be able to tilt their head slightly backwards to open their mouth wide. This small detail can change everything. If the head is too bent forward, the latch may be less effective.

The laid-back position: a very natural approach

One position that can be very helpful is when the mother is slightly reclined, with the baby placed against her, tummy to tummy.

In this posture, the baby is supported by the mother’s body. They can use their natural reflexes to search for the breast, open their mouth and feed. This position can also relieve tension in the shoulders, back and arms.

Because yes, breastfeeding can also create postural pain. Some mothers spend hours with one shoulder raised, their back rounded, their wrist tense, trying to “hold” their baby at the breast. Over time, especially as the baby gains weight, this can become very uncomfortable.

The goal is not for the mother to twist her body in order to breastfeed. The goal is for the baby to come to the breast in a position that respects the mother’s body.

Babies know how to search for the breast

Just after birth, when the baby is placed skin to skin against the mother, they can naturally search for the breast. They are guided partly by smell. The areola produces a substance that protects the skin, and its smell reminds the baby of amniotic fluid.

This is not magic. It is physiology.

The baby recognizes a familiar smell and moves towards what they know. That is why skin-to-skin contact is so valuable when possible: it supports the first meeting, instinct and the beginning of breastfeeding without rushing.

How many feeds per day? There is no magic number

One question often comes up: how many times a day should my baby feed?

The answer may feel frustrating, but it matters: it depends.

Some babies feed 8 to 12 times in 24 hours. Others feed less often. Others feed very frequently, especially if they are carried a lot or have free access to the breast.

The breast is not a bottle that empties in the same way for every woman. Storage capacity varies greatly from one mother to another. Some women store smaller amounts of milk at a time, so their baby will need to feed more often. Others store more, so their baby may take more milk in fewer feeds.

This is not necessarily a problem. What matters is the baby’s overall condition.

How do you know if your baby is drinking enough?

Rather than only counting minutes or feeds, observe the baby.

Reassuring signs include:

a baby who is alert and responsive;
well-wet nappies;
appropriate weight gain;
a baby who wakes up spontaneously to feed;
feeds where you can see or hear swallowing;
a baby who seems relaxed after some feeds.

A breastfed baby does not always take the same amount at every feed. Just like us, they can have small appetites and bigger appetites. Some feeds are long, others are very short. Some are mainly nourishing, while others also provide comfort.

This does not mean you should never worry. If the baby is very sleepy, wets very few nappies, is not gaining enough weight, seems weak, or if the mother is in a lot of pain, it is important to seek help quickly.

But in many cases, variations in rhythm are simply normal.

Engorgement, mastitis, abscess: why it is important to act quickly

Engorgement often happens at the beginning of breastfeeding, especially when the milk comes in. The breast may become tight, hard, painful and sometimes warm. There is a build-up of milk, but also an inflammatory process.

The priority is to help milk flow: putting the baby to the breast effectively, adjusting the position, gently massaging if needed, and asking for help quickly.

If engorgement is not properly managed, it can develop into mastitis. And in some cases, into an abscess.

Contrary to what we might think, suddenly stopping milk removal can make the situation worse. Even in cases of mastitis or abscess, it is often recommended to keep draining the breast, either through feeding or expressing milk, depending on the situation and medical advice.

Again, you should not stay alone with this. Pain, fever, a red breast, or a very painful area: seek medical advice.

Nipple shields: a solution to use carefully

Nipple shields can sometimes help in specific situations. But they are also often given too quickly, especially when the mother is in pain, without truly correcting the cause of the pain.

The risk is that they hide the problem without solving it. They can also change the stimulation sent to the body and sometimes reduce milk supply.

They are not “forbidden,” but they should be used with proper support, for a clear reason, and with follow-up.

The message to remember

Breastfeeding should not be a silent struggle.

If you are in pain, it is not because you are “too sensitive.”
If your baby feeds often, it does not necessarily mean you do not have “enough milk.”
If you have doubts, it does not mean you are a bad mother.

You may simply need better support.